Australia Post invests in new mail processing equipment - Whooo Hoooo!




Yes - Ummm Ahhhed Forhours

Has taken the millions of complains of overly large letters and packages being crammed into excessively small letter boxes to heart and now has a solution.


The twice honored Hero of the Great Patriotic "No - Go to the Couriers" War,  has figured out that if you remove all the air from inside all packages and all the air from the containers carting all the mail - by preforming all your mail into brick shapes that fit neatly inside your letter box - not only will it be a perfect fit, but you can include TEN TIMES AS MUCH junk mail as well..

Wow - what a guy! Genius! Only a man who is an ex banker, who could scam the art of lending money that never existed, for profit, could pull off a mind blowing move like that.

Ummm Ahhhed Forhours - has gone and spent a whole $69.99 from the staffs christmas fund, to purchase a genuine 1897 stamping mill - so he can increasingly rape our arses with even higher rip off postal fees - by doing his part in "The Great Australian Gouge."(c) moi.


 
"This is a huge modernisation and upgrade to our delivery services" said Ummm Ahhhed Forhours, "Standards of delivery, efficiency and customer service satisfaction will definitely leap forward with this." 


Ummm Ahhhed Forhours gave us a demonstration of how the stamping mill, stamps the mail in two ways at the same time - it stamps ALL of your mail with the one postage mark  - and it stamps all your mail, packages, parcels and the complementary 2Kg a day of junk mail, into letter box friendly bricks.


From this:

To this:




Ummm Ahhhed Forhours continued, "By combining a single weekly delivery with the cost savings in laying off even more staff, closing more post offices, and using contractors who get the same rate of pay per single brick composed of 10 parcels, instead of per parcel, we can lower the costs even more.... allowing me to raise my own pay to $20 million a year, along with all my mates on the idiot bored of directors - who will take a fat increase under the table too - and everyone will be happy."

"Our product development team undertook rigorous testing to meet our exacting Australia Post Standards".


"Christmas presents, Overnight Express Satchels, boxed items - ALL of them work in with our new mail processing equipment."said Ummm Ahhhed Forhours

"Here is a sample of regular mail - composed of 50 pieces of junk mail and one bill - it's turned out absolutely perfect."


"This is the christmas mail - full of presents, cards and gifts, - you can tell it's that by the colorful wrapping paper."



"One of the best features of compacted mail, is that after the postie throws it over the fence, it can lay under the bushes for months and remain weather resistant - something all consumers will be pleased about." said Ummm Ahhhed Forhours.



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